


Show me how to feel, I knew all along

by Dopt



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Medication, Mutual Pining, because of painkillers, masturbation - mentionned, nothing really happens yet, slight ooc-ness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 07:05:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dopt/pseuds/Dopt
Summary: “I’m not sure where the clumsiness came from. I’m not used to be that bad at everything I do. I’m high and hurt obviously,” she waved her hand between them and felt like a moron, “and I’m hungry and I have to wait another two hours because eating interferes with medication and now thanks to Bodhi, I’m also horny. So, yeah, you could say I’m having a bad day but that doesn’t explain why I’m so… urgh.”Jyn is having a bad day. Cassian tries to help.





	Show me how to feel, I knew all along

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I should tag for dub-con because it's not but at the same time, Jyn is not quite herself and it has been a problem to me for quite sometimes. At least, that's part of the reasons it stayed in my draft for so long. Anyway, enjoy and please, tell me if I forgot to tag anything!
> 
> The title is a line from Mystery Light by Alice on the Roof

It all started because Jyn was high on painkillers and Bodhi was being nosy, or at least, nosier than he usually was about that peculiar matter. Since she’d burnt her hand and broken two fingers with a cheap blaster, Bodhi stayed with her when they arrived on the Rebel station and Cassian went alone to debrief. The pilot was just supposed to go with her to the medbay and wait for a medic. That was her first mistake.

Obviously the second was to accept the painkiller when she hadn’t eaten since morning but to her defense, she didn’t know they’ll make her so chatty. And if Bodhi hadn’t started it all, she wouldn’t have embarrassed herself that badly.

“Are you… are you really talking about my periods?” she asked in disbelief but Bodhi merely shrugged, as if their conversation was totally normal.

“Well, I didn’t mean to keep tracks or anything but you’ve been moody all day, Jyn, and I’m pretty confident I know what it means. It’s every month the same.”

At that, she had to look up, brow frown darkly because he couldn’t be saying what she was thinking. She had to be wrong.

“Seriously Jyn. The pattern is quite obvious. And I had sisters, you know, so I’m pretty well informed on the basics of women physiology.”

She opened her mouth but all she could utter was an unintelligible gibberish of offended noises.

“Excuse-me?” she managed to say when he went on about her hormonal levels and basics needs and Bodhi only smiled sweetly.

“I’m just saying. I know I’m not your first choice for this kind of things, but since obviously, you can’t take care of you on your own,” Bodhi trailed off and Jyn had the urge to snicker because just suggesting it was stupid.

“So you just offer to fuck me because you think I have some kind of PMS and I can’t take care of myself?”

At this point, Jyn should have realized something was wrong because even if Bodhi was easy - and truly, it had been a surprise how he would sleep with anyone given the opportunity, but never ever had he suggested anything like that to her. He’d slept with nearly half the Rebellion but he never made a pass at his comrades, least her. She was like a sister. But she was tired and hungry, and even if she’d refuse to admit it, she was also a bit moody and well, yes, possibly horny too but he shouldn’t know that.

So instead of dropping the subject like she should have done the moment he began to get personal, she stared, wide-eyed and barely refrained from giggling madly.

And when Cassian came in to check on her, she was still sat on the bed, her injured hand wrapped nicely in gauze with her two fingers strapped together to avoid any movement and she couldn’t quite understand why he was looking at her the way he did.

“Don’t worry, Captain,” Bodhi told him with a smile, “she’ll be fine. Just a little giddy with the medicine. Nothing a good night of sleep couldn’t restore.”

“Oh so now, I just need sleep?”

Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut? Honestly, part of her brain seemed to have melted along with the skin of her palm and even if she didn’t feel so lightheaded anymore, the more conscious part of her, the one with at least some sense of self-preservation, was cringing hard. And Bodhi’s knowing smile was not helping. At all.

He rose to his feet and looking just past her shoulder, he said, “you just refused my very nice proposition to help you with your current trouble and since I don’t know anyone,” he was totally not looking at her and she refused to acknowledge who he was staring at, “whom you could use for this kind of personal matter, I think all you could do now is sleep on it.”

He smiled again, like a tooka cat bathing in the sun after eating a loth-rat and then rounded the bed to leave the medbay.

“Have a good night,” he called in a sing song voice from outside the curtain. “Or at least, some rest. And you too, Captain.”

Mortified, Jyn tried to focus on how she could explain what just happened but fortunately Cassian didn’t ask. He stayed silent and picked the datapad by her bed to check on her chart and she managed to not combust out of pure embarrassment.

“So, you’re ready to go?”

His voice was as neutral as it always was but she sensed something was off. She asked him about the debrief, but since Cassian didn’t seem to say anything out of the ordinary, she couldn’t bother to listen carefully. She was pretty sure he noticed her lack of focus, even if he didn’t comment on it. Maybe she could still blame the painkillers because, honestly, she didn’t remember a word he said or even walking all the way to her quarters and by the time she was in front of her door, she didn’t seem to remember she was injured. So of course, she tried to type her code with her bad hand like some laserbrain on spice and she failed three times before Cassian did it for her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

He was right behind her and when she turned around to face him, she realized a bit late how close he was since he just opened the door for her.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” she said slowly and she escaped by moving into her quarters. “I just have to get used to use my left hand for a few days, it won’t be that hard.”

She wanted to laugh it off, she really wanted to, but at the same time, she feared she started giggling again because Bodhi and his stupid innuendos kept nagging at her and it was so stupid to think about it, so instead she smiled. But seeing as Cassian frowned again, she wondered if she looked as weird as she felt.

“And you think you can do it?”

Again, she wanted to laugh but there was something there, in the way Cassian watched her; she didn’t catch it and it made her think stupid things. She kind knew it but her brain seemed too slow to understand.

“Yeah… I suppose,” she trailed off. “I may be a bit clumsy but…” She tried to remove her scarf to keep her busy and do something other than standing here but she just tangled it around her neck and sighed.

“How strong are painkillers, anyway?”

“What?”

“I… I’m pretty sure I’m high because everything is weird and slow and I can’t…”

She made a frustrated noise and nearly reaped her scarf when Cassian gently took it from where it was wedged in her collar. She told herself she didn’t blush.

“I’m not sure where all the clumsiness came from. I’m not used to be that bad at everything I do. I’m high and hurt obviously,” she waved her hand between them and felt like a moron, “and I’m hungry and I have to wait another two hours because eating interferes with medication and now thanks to Bodhi, I’m also horny. So, yeah, you could say I’m having a bad day but that doesn’t explain why I’m so… urgh.”

Cassian looked at her with his eyebrows drawn very close and a look of utter confusion on his face. Jyn sit down heavily on her bunk and sighed.

“I’m not making any sense, am I?”

“Not really,” he said slowly, “but as you said, you’re probably still high. Broken bones hurt like hell so they must have given you something strong.”

“But I don’t really feel high.” She looked around her but the room stayed still and when she came back to Cassian, he hadn’t moved either.

“I don’t know.” She closed her eyes and lay down across her bunk. “I’ll blame Bodhi for this all mess. You could tell him when you…”

“What has Bodhi to do with anything?” he cut with that careful voice he only used on mission and she started.

“What?”

“It’s the second time you mention him and on the way here, you kept muttering about how he was such a shameless piece of scum so I’d like to know what he really did to offense you so much. Normally, you’re… I don’t know, nicer with him.”

He looked at her like he had all the time in the world and maybe he had because he sat down on her chair and moved it to face her instead of going to the mess like he probably needed to.

“So? Care to explain a bit?”

Jyn rolled on her side to look at him but stayed slumped on her bunk because she couldn’t bother to sit up. Using her good hand to support her head, she watched Cassian waiting for her again with that blank face he had when he was working and she didn’t like it.

“What are you getting at, exactly?”

Cassian didn’t react and that was his obvious tell. If really he was just asking her, without anything else, he would have looked confused or at least taken aback. But he just watched her and she let him until she didn’t. He was always way more patient than her.

“What do you want me to say?”

Jyn finally sat up to face him and Cassian barely moved but his eyes dropped to his boots for a second when he licked his lips. Her whole body tingled in response and she wanted to curse the pilot some more.

“You keep mentioning Bodhi, and since he has nothing to do with your predicament, I wonder…”

“Wonder what exactly?”

At that, he avoided his eyes and Jyn took a deep breath.

“You heard him, didn’t you?” Realization drew on her and she was glad she didn’t blush because once again, mortification wasn’t far behind.

“So you too, you think I need to get laid?”

She didn’t realize she got up until he had to crane his neck to look at her.

“That’s not…”

He rolled the chair back to face her more easily and shook his head slowly.

“Jyn, I don’t think you need anything other than rest. But,” and he put so much effort in the word she closed her mouth and swallowed her protest, “as you said so yourself, if you’re horny and in need of a functioning hand,” he rolled forward just a bit, “I’m here.”

She wasn’t sure where this all came from. She wasn’t even sure she heard him correctly because in the months they’ve known each other, they'd never ever broached the subject. Neither desire, nor sex, nor lust. They had avoided it like the awful pit of madness it would be. Not because they didn’t feel any need or they refused to acknowledge their mutual attraction but because they feared intimacy worse than death. Or at least, she did and she supposed he did too. Plus she’d somewhat always refused to use him like that because Cassian wasn’t like anybody else. Yet, he was the one who suggested being just that and Jyn was both disappointed and relieved. And a bit thrilled too.

And since clearly, she was also drugged out of her mind, or at least, she could pretend she was if the need arose later, she found herself sat on Cassian’s laps with her pants open and a very uninjured hand right down her underwear. After all, it was a very good way to kill time before she could solve the problem of her hunger.

  


 


End file.
